guess the fortnite metaphor makes the most sense to describe how its been lately

i do research phenomena of the world but i guess its like i have an explanation for most unexplained things at this point and i guess it annoys people who aren't used to schizbabble so i have to like suppress that

could learn how to write more eloquently in that kind of way

the whole thought association thing has spiraled into something of a tool people use against others which honestly sucks cause its mostly just an interesting way to communicate

i do have a new chapter of the choose your own adventure island series as a work in progress i might honestly end up having the sketchbook that i was drafting it in

If I don't have that sketchbook it's alright cause I have it mostly memorized besides the uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh plot of the chapter

its about elementals i think or forces of nature and balance i guess is how i'd describe it doomer-esque male mc

i honestly think i have learned a good amount abt people who have personalities similar to his in the time since I've last posted or drafted the first ideas so writing it probably wont be that difficult

might do some drawings for it but currently want to coordinate my spotify covers lol

i miss having a routine that involved coffee or red bull or fkn caffeine

is anyone else feeling pressure financially in a fortnite-esque kind of way its like as weeks go by idk i notice more and more people who are struggling or maybe its the general feeling of everything being terrible that happens to my brain on occassion. i mean it doesn't get better like my general feelings do it literally seems to effect more and more people

its that thing where more and more young adults get pushed out cause their parents are like realizing that they cant afford to support their kids for much longer

its this whole thing relating to the amount of income going into americans pockets in order to support themselves or their families a system which has supported families and like.......the nation for generations but at this point the government is in so much debt and citizens are in debt cause thats an option people are told is a viable financial credit move in order to build strong credit in order to slowly afford bigger and bigger sums

in order to make that kind of credit move you need a steady income stream or a stable job

antisocial with one court case total mild tourettes special interests in topics that are hugely misunderstood besides the ever growing want to have close friends and a trusted circle

an awareness of how people are led or suggested actions/if you step out of line or spiral seemingly out of control the system can and absolutely will chain you so you have no choice whether or not to obey suggested actions

thats mostly why im at the rung im at

cause i think through all of my actions and the ones theyd suggest would literally leave me alone and grey and tired besides colorful online life thats mostly what saves my mental health even now

theres nothing wrong with being alone and grey and tired its more like serene i mean grey is cool but i mean like droning kind of grey personally i find that grey to be inhumane and tired idk caffeine solves that but its a whole entire social quicktime event for me to get that

im 22 so idk its like ppl are afraid of me lashing out its like you think of punk music and its all counterculture based and angry sounding thats how it is

then on the colder side its more similar to grunge in the ways that its fuckin sad and instead of that extinguishing my will it makes me mad

like inside its like why all the time//i figure out answers to more and more things i angrily question so then its like me knowing more and more but this isnt about that its about everything//and even then i know almost nothing about technique or grace cause i dont have enough caffeine to function at the level i know i can function at

but yeah

surprisingly easy to let go of all of that and keep it in the back of my mind in order to function with a smile on my face

even that annoys people though

i Will find myself in a situation someday soon enough hopefully where i find myself around people i can be around without influence from people who want me to fail

anyways yeah will work on some stuff to post