guess the fortnite metaphor makes the most sense to describe how its been lately

i do research phenomena of the world but i guess its like i have an explanation for most unexplained things at this point and i guess it annoys people who aren't used to schizbabble so i have to like suppress that

could learn how to write more eloquently in that kind of way

the whole thought association thing has spiraled into something of a tool people use against others which honestly sucks cause its mostly just an interesting way to communicate

i do have a new chapter of the choose your own adventure island series as a work in progress i might honestly end up having the sketchbook that i was drafting it in

If I don't have that sketchbook it's alright cause I have it mostly memorized besides the uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh plot of the chapter

its about elementals i think or forces of nature and balance i guess is how i'd describe it doomer-esque male mc

i honestly think i have learned a good amount abt people who have personalities similar to his in the time since I've last posted or drafted the first ideas so writing it probably wont be that difficult

might do some drawings for it but currently want to coordinate my spotify covers lol

i miss having a routine that involved coffee or red bull or fkn caffeine

is anyone else feeling pressure financially in a fortnite-esque kind of way its like as weeks go by idk i notice more and more people who are struggling or maybe its the general feeling of everything being terrible that happens to my brain on occassion. i mean it doesn't get better like my general feelings do it literally seems to effect more and more people

its that thing where more and more young adults get pushed out cause their parents are like realizing that they cant afford to support their kids for much longer

its this whole thing relating to the amount of income going into americans pockets in order to support themselves or their families a system which has supported families and like.......the nation for generations but at this point the government is in so much debt and citizens are in debt cause thats an option people are told is a viable financial credit move in order to build strong credit in order to slowly afford bigger and bigger sums

in order to make that kind of credit move you need a steady income stream or a stable job

antisocial with one court case total mild tourettes special interests in topics that are hugely misunderstood besides the ever growing want to have close friends and a trusted circle

an awareness of how people are led or suggested actions/if you step out of line or spiral seemingly out of control the system can and absolutely will chain you so you have no choice whether or not to obey suggested actions

thats mostly why im at the rung im at

cause i think through all of my actions and the ones theyd suggest would literally leave me alone and grey and tired besides colorful online life thats mostly what saves my mental health even now

theres nothing wrong with being alone and grey and tired its more like serene i mean grey is cool but i mean like droning kind of grey personally i find that grey to be inhumane and tired idk caffeine solves that but its a whole entire social quicktime event for me to get that

im 22 so idk its like ppl are afraid of me lashing out its like you think of punk music and its all counterculture based and angry sounding thats how it is

then on the colder side its more similar to grunge in the ways that its fuckin sad and instead of that extinguishing my will it makes me mad

like inside its like why all the time//i figure out answers to more and more things i angrily question so then its like me knowing more and more but this isnt about that its about everything//and even then i know almost nothing about technique or grace cause i dont have enough caffeine to function at the level i know i can function at

but yeah

surprisingly easy to let go of all of that and keep it in the back of my mind in order to function with a smile on my face

even that annoys people though

i Will find myself in a situation someday soon enough hopefully where i find myself around people i can be around without influence from people who want me to fail

anyways yeah will work on some stuff to post

every time i use my tablet to make art i post it here i'm pretty sure

once i start having less mobile based content regarding my like video game concept ive been working on for fuckin 5 years ill post it here as well

been thinking i can prototype it in rpg maker [don't actually know if it's only pixel art allowed in that engine] [[don't know if that engine will even workon my computer]] and do like slice of life type comics supplementing that with whatever character lore comes to mind that's kind of the usual

unusual work that could be considered actual work IGUESS could be like working on putting in effort to get it prototyped finally in some way

anyways sorry for neglecting this page reading back onto the choose ur own adventure stuff is tough because they're so fun to write but formatting gets fucked usually and like trains of thought don't rly translate super well MAYBE ill do more in the future with more prose or whatever

if i get some kind of standard worked out for games i could try to do like game style posts with that kind of thing in mind but thats a whole different project

heres the last thing i made on my computer lol

>> Your name is Fairfox G. Bertenstein

//thegisforgodzilla// ^you think to yourself

You went out for your daily run to see the sunrise, decided to walk, you are on vacation after all!

happy?

disappointed in yourself

maybeidk-^

the sunrise is approximately as nice as you needed it to be)

you take a minute and reflect upon your achievements!

the morning breeze whispers at your surroundings reminding you that you're not alone, you continue your run

THE DAY PASSES

>>You walk up to the night market

it's relatively busy, civilians going about their night merrily, the lights twinkle at you from every angle^you scan the area

*Scuba Diving! ^you saw the sign

*Hardware! ^you sleep on your decisions!

*BOXING ^you win there

*cathedral nox. ^"you dance

you drink

you leave."

*gift shop!

*food shop!

*scary dark alleyway!

>>You enter the MMA place!

There's a boxing ring in the corner, as well as MMA MERCH, various warriors are training

^you're wearing an outfit//wanttobuyanotheroutfit?WIN.

*Challenger enters the ring!<<

>>You enter the boxing ring.

Don't forget to breathe!

>>YOU WON!^

>>Back into the market with You

You bought a new hoodie!

A light grey color with the gym logo emblazoned on the front in gold*!., soft on the inside good heavy fabric for cold nights, with gold capped drawstrings AND! a hood that doesn't make you look dorky if you wear it up, costs like half of your cash! //makessenseitscoolwhatever//

"YARGH" a booming voice echoes around the market followed by a crashing noise

The Captain leaves the food court!

>>You run over to the origin of the noise //maybeyoucanhelp?//

Someone walks up to the mess to sweep it up^

they're wearing the uniform,

*LOUD SIGH SIGNIFYING THEY WANT TO TALK TO YOU*

>>"Hey do you know of any fun things to do around here?"

the lights above the scuba diving desk blink in your peripherals*.*.*.*.*

//noted//

"Yeah like what?"

"Uh"

she's staring at you intently!

"something fun right?"

"Right?"

"scuba diving has a sale today if that's something you'd be into"

"Sure thanks"

>>you walk up to the scuba diving stand!

the sign is made of wood nailed onto some pvc pipe, sharpie is haphazardly scrawled, the table's made of grey plastic, a bedazzled office set is organized

a stand attendant pops her gum at you*

"I was told theres a sale today?"

the stand attendant hands you a business card while writing your name down on a piece of paper*

ok? _______

| |

on the business card are the words | 'end of the alleyway now plz

$free$<3 ' |

| |

_____________________________I

>>you run down the dark alleyway

the ocean waves against the horizon, between them is a large *sailboat, on the deck seems to be some passengers

The Captain shakes your hand!

his pipe is on fire "Welcome aboard!"

>>you board his boat!

the passengers are ice sculptures artisinally crafted //they'llprobablymelt//

the engine starts and it is startling, the statues shudder with the waves,

>>you wonder about the mechanics of the boat

sail.

>>you look around and accidentally are rocked into one of the statues which falls over//ohno//

the statues fall one by one into each other the last one misses the largest statue by a centimeter

The Captain stops the boat

"did you break these statues?"

your heart skips a few beats^

>>you get thrown in the slammer.

for your crimes against ice-kind.//butididntIRRELIVANT//

the room is dungeon-like with a cot and a floor and a door with a large padlock on it*

>>you look around the room

leave the room? |yes|

>>you cannot leave the room you are trapped in the room //somethinginthewaynirvana*//

punch the wall? |yes|

owch

lick the wall? |yes|

>>you lick the wall

it tastes like mildew and salt.

>>your head starts hurting

-some time passes-

>>you've been in the room for what feels like years!

your brain is pounding in your skull and you don't know why

*a golden brick glints in your peripherals //wasthateventherebefore//

>>you pull the brick out of the wall

behind the brick is a dark tunnel //there might be something in thereig//

>>you stick your hand into the brick-hole

then your forearm

upto your shoulder^

grab the handle? |yes|

>>you pull the sledgehammer out of the brick-hole

the handle is polished sleekly, it glints menacingly in your hands!

with one swift motion you break the padlock, it falls to the floor

the door swings open!

//yay//

look around the lower deck? |sure|

the lower deck is a mix of wood and metal with some lockers lining one side containing items the other side is some chairs and a bottle of rum, stairs lead up to the door you entered the lower deck from

>>you break the door with the sledgehammer

water bursts down the stairs //FUCKFUCKCKFUCK//

looking through the lockers* you find some scuba gear //FUCK

don' the scuba gear?? //FUCK//

>>you put on the scuba gear

luckily there's an air tank, the water is bursting through the doorway, you need to get out of there, your head is pounding

//>>you wonder about the captain

>>you break the water with the sledgehammer

looking around you see her, the statue, illuminated from a porthole, almost invisible under the water, looking up your heart drops as you realize where you're at-

the boat had sunk as you were in the slammer, your head is pounding, letting go of your sledgehammer you can't see the surface, she floats upwardly!

>>you put your hands on your temples

^>>your head explodes from the pressure*

THE STATUE MELTS :D

YOU DIED GOOD NIGHT LOVE YOU MWAHS ALL AROUND

>>Your name is Barb Sminkle

>>hiking!

it's fun but your shoes aren't broken in yet

*With state of the art memory foam!

>>you threw your old laces in them for security purposes. unfortunately Jays usually come with Achilles pain but its okay!

Some guy was stressing about the guide so I suppose-// ...Nah//

"he said he'd be behind us we can just follow the trail"

>>you stay with the group

the groups footsteps echo around the jungle, their conversations don't reach you through your headphones but you like the texture of the gravel underneath your shoes

>>you smile for a second

>>you finish the hike

the sun shines in your eyes through the clouds! the sky looks like a painting with the blue fading into a deep indigo color, the setting sun reflecting through the clouds turning them a pink tint with blue hues

>>you smile for a second

the rays of heat seem to be emanating from everywhere

//omfgneedtogoinsidernwhydididecideonatropicaldestinationugh-//

>>you're sweating!

reaching into your bag you get your deodorant, observing the bag you stare at it for an aggressive amount of time

it's made of green canvas material, you've sewn different patches and buttons and shiny things onto it so it would glint if you were in anyone's peripherals //anyways-//

>>you walk into the nightclub!

bass seems to be vibrating the entire establishment including the ground underneath it, colorful lights reflect off the floor, the bar glints in the back, various exotic kinds of spirits are lined up on shelves behind it illuminated from beneath by an oscillating neon light

>>you smile for a second

"What do you want to drink?"

"ipa in a glass with 3 ice cubes and an umbrella"

"Here you go babe!"

the umbrella is pink and flowery, turning it in your fingers it glitters silverly, the carbonation makes it taste fruity even though ipas are bitter, It's delicious!-

>>Your name is Tool McFuckhead

<<you walk up to the bar and ask for a napkin

<<you vape confidently

//your phat clouds bring you massive amounts of attention from all the females and you feel great about it//

<<you get the napkin //fuckiforgottoaskforapen//

<<you get the pen and chat up the female

She asked for your number!

<<you give her your number

<<you're gonna get some head tonight B]

You win!

>>you put the number in your phone

>>you sigh because there are ice cubes in your beer

>>you smile for a second

turning towards the room you observe the people enjoying the club

>>your phone buzzes

you're meeting a local plug at the club, looking towards the entrance you see him, you're going to trade some contacts. //hisoutfitisfuckingamazingwowowowow//

>>your phone buzzes

sitting at the bar you spend some hours making jokes, it's nice to laugh

>>you're smiling!

after some silence you ask if you can be honest with him. -in layman's terms- you're empty, //he tells you he knows how you feel & he's got you*

>>your phone buzzes //loseurselfeminemlyricsrememberthatsongforlater-//

>>you shake his hand & leave the club for the night

State of the art hotel room fully equipped with comfy mattress, a bar, holographic projector, ceiling mirror, velvet curtains, and!!! an entire marble bathroom!

>>you think about your old bedroom and sigh

>>you decide to text the guy who gave you his number //you'llfeellesslonely-lonely?//

>>you smile for a second

Knock knock! someone's at the door!

"hi"

"head?"

"um maybe later"

"oh."

<<yes.

//no no no nonon no no no. no no. no. no.//

\\yes ye sy yes yes. yes .. yes yes .... yes\\

"you okay?"

"yeah!"

<<she smiles at you

You Win.

"can i walk you out"

>>you try to smile but can't right now

the hotel lobby is made of marble, tropical plants make it seem less clinical, the cracks in the marble glitter with some kind of black gold substance, the desk glints at you, he follows

a group giggles in the lobby area, he follows in a different direction, you sigh in a different tone

>>you walk up to the concierge desk

"How can I help you?"

>>you ask about local trails again

"The sunsets around this area are beautiful!" //youknowthis*// "They're really pretty around this area!" //i got you-hm//

>>your thoughts echo around your brain for a second

>>you get a brochure

while looking at the brochure your follower loses interest with the group and squeaks nonchalantly across the lobby, he takes the brochure from your hands and starts reading it to you

"-i was mostly just looking at the pictures"

he shrugs and his eyes are sparkling as you look at <<him, he turns and squeaks away towards the exit

>>you follow.

"so where are we going?" <<

>>you shrug and point in a random direction

"somewhere where we can see the sunset i guess"

"what?" <<

"somewhere where we can see the sunset?"

"speak up i didn't hear you."<<

"somew-"

"The sunset right?" <<

//right.//

>>you take his hand eventually finding a path that leads to a grassy clearing overlooking the ocean

the water winks at you like it knows something you don't, because it does, the grass sways with the wind and you can see it's currents blowing across the field, the trail looks crunchy. //hes walking on them.........//

"come over here"

>>you take his hand and crunch over to the overlook

the world seems to stand still with you both as the sun sets under the island, you think to yourself about how the ocean water must be boiling since the sun is in it, the grass sways, the waves of the ocean move uniformly with the currents, you count each time it winks at you, you look up towards the clouds but the sky is clear the stars making up constellations you remember from the past, you think about how lucky it is that your vacation lined up with the constellations-

"what are you thinking about?"<<

"do you ever think about how the ocean should be boiling once the sun sets into it"

"why? its meaningless. do you ever think about how the clouds look like they were painted just for you?"<<

you want him to stop talking to you so you put headphones in and turn on music, he pulls a headphone out and asks if he can listen with you, you say no, he shrugs, he must be happy to spend time with you, you think about times when you would've had the morale/ to appreciate that

he walks towards the edge of the clearing pulling you with him, you pull away and as he draws back in offense you push him off the cliff, while he's in view you look onto his face and see an emotion you've felt so many times before

you think about that feeling as you look out onto the horizon, the gradients are unlike anything you've ever seen before and the stars fill you with hope/ as the wind blows you off the cliff's edge

>>your heart skips a beat.

you didn't mean to fall like this, the world slows down as you close your eyes breathing concentrated breaths, wrapping your arms around your legs to achieve the perfect cannonball, you're glad your phone is waterproof

>>you smile for a second

>>you've been consumed by the ocean

thanksforreadingloveyoumwah

>>Your name is Stewart Pid.

You travel the world and its fun, you got some time to yourself and are excited to go to your next destination. Travelling is something you like to do due to some reason you can't really imagine but you have fun usually. Anyways,

>>You're travelling on an airline you always use, with money you always have, your plans are laid out so you won't have to stress about it during your stay but the past 3 trips have been that way and it's starting to feel wrong.

you have fun either way.

>>Your car is parked in the lot, you worry about your belongings in there,

they're gone now! in the past! its time to have fun!

>>Your shoes, the ones you wear when you're excited for a trip to your destination, make an interesting sound hitting the floor, kind of like a soft clicking sound. You wonder what material the floor is made out of

The plane ride is nice, the wifi didn't work so you had to look at everything and everyone, their shoes were nice

>>Your destination is tropical! It'll be hot there,

"What do you want to drink?"

>>You look at her shoes, they're pink, they don't match her unif-

>>You look up, her uniform is pink too, 'that's fun' you think, she repeats herself

"Do you have pepsi?"

She nods and writes something down on the thingy,

"We have Coke is that okay?"

>>You sigh and say yea, you wish you had pink shoes like hers, 'maybe they'll have some in the store there, vacation shoes, thats a good idea' you think

>>You look out to the horizon, there's always good views, *something glints in your peripherals, you don't look at it even though >>you thought about it, there's something wrong, you're here and you're not having fun...............................you're here...have some fun....you have some fun

*It glints again, *luckily, and you look over your shoulder just as she calls your drink order.

The next day or two goes by, you feel emptier than before and

>>you don't know why, you're having fun.

>>You're wearing your flip flops!, they crunch floppily on the trail towards your destination,

>>you had scheduled a hike,

you like hiking because..

>>You arrive at your destination

Your Guide greets you as well as your hiking group!

You socialize! Your guide tells you about the area you'll be visiting:

"This area is one of the most mysterious of all the areas! We'll be staying on the path. It is very dangerous to leave our path & also very easy to get lost in these dense tropical areas, our maps maintain accuracy, hopefully we won't need to use it." He looks very grim as he says the last part, trailing off as if he's remembering something distantly, his smile picks up quickly,

"I'll be walking behind everyone to make sure there are no issues as well as pointing out various animals and plants native to our area! Feel free to ask me any questions you might have.."

>>You look around at everyone,

it seems as if nobody is listening anymore, *something glints in your peripherals,

>>you look at your shoes,

>>you ask if you'll need to change your shoes before you embark,

>>your guide shrugs and points out that some people may find discomfort wearing 'flip flops' while trail walking & that its a pretty long journey

>>You're wearing your flip flops, your hiking boots are in your backpack, the trail is beautiful with trees reaching almost up to the sky, through the sky,

>>you can see the clouds in the canopy, their footsteps and conversations echo around them as well as >>you.

"do you have the map?"

>>you ask the guide, he says yes and you turn to look at him, he..........

>>you stop walking

the group continues,

a chill runs down your spine,

'he's around the corner'

>>you think

there are no corners,

>>you look around,

>>you look for a corner, you look for the guide,

'there are no corners' you think,

>>you run up to the group and they stop to help you look for the guide, some of them worry,

"He said he'd be behind us" one says, "We can just follow the trail"

>>you worry, 'do you have the map' you think, someone answers

'yeah'

the group continues,

>>you think about how the tour guide would and should hypothetically stay on the trail with the group, he mentioned, 'we'll be staying on the path'

oops! 'hopefully we won't need to use it.' he reminds you,

>>you remind yourself

*a light glints in the distance, >>you ignore the light and try to decide

>>you call out to the guide,

>>you retrace your steps,

when's the last time you saw him?, you wonder about what he said about the map, what did he say about the map?, are you having fun?, you look around then into the forest

It's him! the guide! he waves at you and runs in a direction parallel to yours.

>>you follow him, darting out into the forest, branches scratch your face and arms as you keep hold of his image in front, you wonder if he'll stop running,

>>you look at the ground, you lost sight of him, his footsteps echo in your ears,

'impossibly fast' you think, you worry about your flip flops, a rock trips you, >>you fall

You are awoken by the guide! it's dark, the stars tell you so.

>>you get up and ask him if he knows where you are, his head is turned up towards them,

>>you look around.

"Do you have the map?",you ask.

>> you look back towards the guide, he's gone, your heart drops as you realize you lost him again, you look down, in his place is the map, he doesnt have the map, you worry as you pick up the map,

You found the map! It shines as you unroll it like it's encased with some kind of preservation agent,

>>you don't know what you were expecting. you read about the trail as you shiver.

>>you put the map in your backpack, you change into your hiking boots, replace them with your flip flops, close the bag and forget,

>>you open the bag to look at the map one more time, you're ready to give up.

the flip flops are pink! you giggle, you're having fun.

>>You walk through the woods, the stars glint at you and you think about how you'd be able to navigate easier if you were up there.

>>you wonder if there's even any water out here or food or anything other than forest things, the stars glint at you*

>>You feel cold. you feel tired,

>>you think about how you could make a fire if you found a clearing,

>>you worry about the guide,

>>you walk through the woods,

>>you wonder how long you've been travelling

'bout a year' he says

>>you wonder how long a year is, 'this long' >>you step onto the sand!

it's a clearing.

>>you sigh in relief, *something glints in the sand, it's a pepsi, you sit and drink it as you look around

The sun shines through a gateway in the water illuminating the pond with a comforting cyan glow, the sand is soft, a line of trees surrounds the sand, there are fish swimming in the water behind the gateway it looks like,

>>you notice that none of them are entering your area,

just as >>you think that

a fish comes into the pond it's an iridescent color,

>>you lean forward, it swims in your direction!

>>You stand up, the fish gets bigger,

'interesting' you think,

>>you walk towards the pond, the fish gets bigger

You're standing in the water, you wonder how long you can hold your breath, fish don't need to hold their breath. >>you've never seen a fish like that before, the fish gets bigger,

>>you start to feel scared.

>>you wiggle your toes. you're looking at your toes?, you look at the fish.

>>You don't need to hold your breath,

>>you're dragging him into the water

you don't need to hold your breath. keep your eyes open. 'you swim slowly' you think.

>>you look around, the ocean surrounds you, your eyes water, you want to cry, you want to giggle,

>>you are!

you take a breath wrong. and realize and look around,

you look down

below you is an empty darkness, you can see the sea floor around you as you sink, the fish swims away, you look up at the stars,

you let out a breath and the bubbles float upwards, glinting as they travel!, you smile, a grumbling noise is heard, the sea floor is moving as that smiles, 'whats that' you think

you look down, all you see is darkness down there, you look up, oh, more darkness, you look, you, y

>>you drown

>>you got eaten

MORE LINES

MORE DOTS INTO THE TATTOOS THAT MAY NEVER STAY

faded as time chips at the scabs

rotting or

flaking away

A PROMISE MADE THROUGH COSMIC GATEWAYS

real or not grey wolves travel in pairs leaving me to wonder to ponder why isolation follows me

THEN I REALIZE looking out at the sun through the clouds

THROUGH THE SNOW REFLECTING THE LIGHT REMINISCENT OF THE ONE YOU LOVE

reminiscent of the force that drives us all

im not alone,

though i may dwell in solitude there is the loneliest of the cosmos,

left to do as it pleases if it pleases at all

im not alone

do we have to be wolves? do we have to be humans? do we have to?

if we dont then how would we feel? do we feel?

reality may be lonely but

theres hope in knowing that even in an echochamber deep in the depths of the universe

voices can reach out

ill keep trying to ink them deep enough so every time i look at myself ill hear their joyous ruckus

I was thinking about trying to figure out a speedpaint setup for traditional art, i already have a way to record from procreate, i'd have to figure out a way to stream animation processes but UNTIL THEN

would any music uploaded over speedart vids have to be like owned or made by the artist? youtube might be better for that kind of thing idk tho

i have so many unfinished/abandoned/uploaded elsewhere/unfinished art pieces in my procreate app, im going to try to upload everything i think is worth throwing on here, not sure how organization works exactly on here but hopefully there are ways to maybe group together sketches vs portfolio shit, i know i could use tags to do that but :P visually if someone comes onto my profile im tryna keep it concise

TURN MY LIGHTS ON HOW TF U QUIET W THE MIC ON I DONT GET ANXIETY U BOWIE ASS BITCHES I JUST GET MY MIC ON yuh lets go lets go i aint playin around

who knows the song if u know the song ur cool if u have to google the lyrics u gotta listen to the song it'll make u cooler

gotta say the fuck word bc i put mature content rating right, idk how moderation works but i specifically dont want to interact with mfs under 13 thats for sure.

is this new user bait idk how to use newgrounds

where are the gore artists hi im sicc not actually sick maybe a little bit but not physically